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The Naked Truth About Relationships

Why is it that so many “love relationships” start out with the hope and promise of "happily ever after," and yet, end in such soul crushing defeat?

Why are we so drawn and repelled by the same person? Could it be that we fall in love with the image of what we want them to be? Is it that they fall short of our expectations or might it just be that they were erected from our expectations in the first place? The moment we discover them as a real person and not the figure we created in our fantasy, it all comes crashing down. That is the moment where choice comes in. Few of us today have the ability to stay the course and experience true intimacy. Instead we trade that person in for a swipe to the right on the most current dating app and hope the next person fits the mold. There is no incentive to commit today. If things aren’t working, there’s always something better at our fingertips.

Young adults today seem to thirst for immediate gratification and don’t want to do the work necessary when things get tough. My parents have been married for over 60 years and are not only still in love, but they are best friends. They have been through the horror and trauma of rocky times and have celebrated monumental successes, but at the end of the day, they kiss each other goodnight and choose one another the following morning; not because they have to but because they want to. They are committed, not just when times are good, but through it all. Most shockingly, they have managed to keep the sexuality alive and still experience deep intimacy. “How,” I ask? “How after 60 years,” all the kids and grandkids want to know.

"Dishonesty is a buzz kill. It's the fastest way to decrease the sexual tension in a relationship Maya,” my mother confides in me. When we are brutally honest at all cost we remain free in body and soul. This allows energy to circulate. When we tell the truth we don’t constrict and squash our libido.

Have you ever noticed when you tell a lie that your whole body shuts down? It's a betrayal of self and nothing lowers self- esteem faster than that, no matter how many people you can fool. You know the truth and that’s what counts.

Notice how you feel when you finally come clean with that which you've been concealing. The whole world opens up. Colors appear brighter. Objects show up in sharp focus. No matter what the consequences, your body finally releases all the tension it's been holding to conceal your secret. The lie kept you trapped and distant from your partner. It's a betrayal on the grandest scale when you lie self abandon. Why would you cheat yourself? Don’t you believe you deserve the respect of standing in your truth? We teach others how to treat us every moment of every day simply by the way we treat ourselves. So if you can’t bestow this basic kindness upon yourself how in the world can you expect others to respect you? What you discover once you’re courageous enough to speak the truth is those people who support your integrity will remain in your life. Those who don’t will naturally fall away and that’s a good thing. Why would you want someone in your life that doesn’t support your integrity?

When at last you get the fortitude to face your destiny head on with truth a sense of calm takes over, knowing you're not in control anyhow. Fate is in the hands of powers much greater than you and it's time to surrender the reins that never belonged to you in the first place.

You immediately feel closeness building with your partner the moment honesty appears. In some cases where you withheld a major truth and if the betrayal is too big it can sever the relationship, but we must accept the consequences of our actions and recognize we can't control other people's actions.

The fear of letting go can sometimes prevent us from doing what we know we must do. Fear binds while truth sets us free. If we're lucky enough to work through to the next phase it can strengthen the bond and a real commitment and mature relationship can ensue. It might be the best relationship yet, because it will be based in truth. No more projections and fantasies but real live intimacy, the naked truth. To be willing to get metaphorically naked in front of another person is real intimacy. To allow someone to see you, as you truly are, and to be loved as you are, not for what you're pretending to be; now that’s real love. That’s the naked truth.

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